Sunday, June 7, 2009

"Where the Hell Are Them Chemical Weapons?"

This column was responsible for my first two death threats. Yep, when it was published, I received my first two within two days, each one coming via email, and each one telling me how I was going to die and for what reasons (the usual - anti-American, unpatriotic, liberal, and so on...) Upon reflection, I think they mistook the term "hate mail" at the bottom of my blurb for "death threats." At the time, people hated everything I wrote (not the columns - just my opinions), and were happy to send in four or five pieces of hate mail a week. I decided to mention hate mail that week. The results were death threats. I never again mentioned hate mail; it seemed a bit short-sighted to do so. But I never backed off my anti-war position and I never toned it down. I also didn't live in fear. I turned over the death threats to the sheriff's department. I received four or five more (I honestly can't remember how many it was) and didn't worry about it. None of these twerps ever killed me, so I got that going for me, which is nice.

The US people can feel proud. We’ve put one in the “Dubya” column, against a third-world enemy with antiquated weaponry and an army made largely of non-soldiers. Dozens of American and British soldiers have lost their lives in this illegal war, but hey! That’s okay, since it means cheaper gas for all of us, right? Now, all that’s left to do is to send our POWs home, install our own puppet government, and make sweeping trade agreements for millions of barrels of cheap oil.

Oh, yes. And find those pesky chemical weapons. These weapons are important to the White House, more important than some people realize. These weapons, which were labeled “Weapons of Mass Destruction,” are the reason for this war. These weapons, not yet found, are the justification that the Governor of the United States used to attack Iraq. And nobody’s found a single one yet.

Right now, most of the world’s population hates us, because of this insane war we’ve undertaken. But there are some who are waiting, giving us the benefit of the doubt, wondering where the chemical weapons are. If we don’t produce any, we will have been proven wrong; and we will find it harder to hold onto allies.

At this point, the White House is so desperate to uncover chemical weapons that any substance in Baghdad which cannot be readily recognized as sugar, salt, or Tabasco sauce is being sent off to be tested for chemical content. They have to. If we are unable to find any chemicals, then we have to admit that the reason we went to war is bullshit. This will not go over well with the Europeans, Arabs, Asians, or in fact with our allies – the few we have – who genuinely believed our intelligence.

I find it highly unlikely that there are any chemical weapons of any sort in Iraq. As many Iraqi POWs as we have taken, and as much information as we have gained, we have not uncovered a single shred of evidence, not a single vial of sarin gas. Just recently, our military managed to find a group of trailers buried in the sand, miles out from the nearest city, in which were found elements of a laboratory. Of course, the White House proudly announced that they had found the proof they were seeking. That is, until US military scientists admitted on CNN that there was no way that these were used to make chemical weapons of any kind. Munitions, yes. Chemicals, no.

Let’s look at it this way. If you were an Iraqi who knew about the chemicals, and you were captured, wouldn’t you offer up the location and contents of these chemical weapons stores for any better treatment you might get? So far, captured Iraqis have spilled the beans about quite a few things, including the buried laboratory equipment. Is it possible to believe that not a single captured Iraqi knows where these Weapons of Mass Destruction are? It is possible, but it is not likely.

Next time, class, we will be discussing Syria. Avoid the rush! Send your hate mail to:

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